The Herbert Monologue
[Herbert’s lines in the style of Jack Nicklson’s Joker in Batman 1989, McCoy’s parts in generic gangster voice]
[Herbert] So gentlemen, that’s how it is. Until that O-line, ah, resurfaces… I'm the acting leader. And I say we starting with this pick-6 on the second offensive play, and we run this game right into the ground.
[McCoy] Why don’t we hear this from Harbaugh? Yeah, and what’s with that stupid 6-3 record?
[Herbert] Because life's been good to me. (laugh)
[McCoy] What if we sack you six times?
[Herbert] Well Mike, nobody wants a war (Laugh). Well, if we can't stop your pass rush, we’ll just... stop you on the 1-yard line... and that will be it.
[McCoy] Yeah?
[Herbert] Yeah.
[Herbert] Go ahead, run Tony Pollard, shake hands with my defense at the 1-yard line. (BZZZT!) Oh, 0 yards coursing through his body. He drops back, a blackened husk, SMOKE pouring out from that failed drive.
[Herbert] Ohh, Ohh, I got a live one here (Laugh). (Mocking singing) Oh there will be a 99-yard drive in the old town tonight (Laugh).
[Herbert] Tony Pollard got a little hot under the collar (Laugh).
[McCoy] ... You're crazy.
[Herbert] (affronted innocence) Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of a 1-yard TD run and a baseball slide? (Laughs)
[Herbert] Now GET OUT OF HERE -- And think over that 27-20 loss.
[Herbert] Adam... Kevin... Kyle. I want you to go down to the film room, follow that medical staff. Take your camera. See what they know about Alt and Hurt and what do you guys think the team needs to do to protect Herbert and keep this 6-3 record?
[Herbert imitating Carl Grissom (Jack Palance)] And guys… (breaths deeply) remember, you… (breaths deeply) … are my number one (breaths deeply)… Charger (breaths deeply)... uh guys.... (short pause)
K (breaths deeply)... uh luv you (breaths deeply)... uh bye.
