Wuts up Coach, Wool Dog!? O hey Kev, guess your here too, hi. But, motherf***in Bolt Fam, do we undertand that we have a complete motherf***in coaching staff around our boy now!? Motherf***er! I'm excited! The confidence Hayden Hurst had in his presser about giving Justin a motherBussin run game has me motherf***in giddy! Quinton Motherf***in Johnston has a huge bounce back season being used correctly! U heard that sh*t here! Who has a better 2024 season? Josh or QJ - Yards, Receptions, TD's. Also, motherf***ers, have you ever had anyone look at you with the intensity Ben Herbert had in his presser!? I've seen it in the mirror but, motherf***er, that man is coming for my job! I'm still not motherf***in over last week so K, I kinda like you, bye

Good Cop - Happy Easter to you beautfiul triumvirate of goofy buttholes & the Bolt Fam! Hope everyone had a great day with family! The Special 10 hang on Saturday was awesome. Really looking forward to the next one when we get to chat about the new players on our Bolts! Bad Cop - Hugs! You tell me! Was I right? Who is it?HUGS! I need answers... There's no Luv in this one so K Bye (unless you tell me) (set ya up on this one - plug the patreon!)

Hello goofy buttholes! Sigh, we're all goofy buttholes, being so invested in this team. There always good enough to keep us hoping, but there's always something that keeps em from achieving what we see they can. So boys, the wifey is adamant I get neutered, aka a vasectomy. Can you help me explain to her that this process isn't needed? This team takes care of it for me, I get kicked in the nuts every Sunday. I digress boys. How do we feel about the narrative that undisciplined play falls on coaching. I disagree! These are highly paid professional football players. Surely they know the rules of the game they are paid to play. The players need to hold themselves accountable! And they need to do it now! The whole season is still in front of our team, but dadgummit it needs to happen now! Lets channel 2018 energy bolt fam!! PS - Kyle, I'm guessing you're due for the neutering too, hahaha KLUbye Baby voice

WUT IS UP BROS!? U beautiful triumvirate of goofy buttholes, I've been mia, u know life & stuff bros (shout out wifey, Bella, Rory & future qb1 - Remington)! Bros, such an exciting/positive off-season!! Bros! This is the year! I can feel it, like really bros, it all comes together this season! Herbo is that dude bros! Staley is that coach, like come on bros! -SCENE CHANGE!- Turn off the lights, go dark & give me a campfire flashlight scary story ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Are you ready to eat shit? Unseasoned, moist, brown dookies r coming up! Cuz, uh, boys...I'm in the ChargerChat Fantasy Football league and I'm out for throats! I'm shamelessly positive!, about winning bragging rights & that signed Rivs jersey! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kickoff is right around the corner against that wack South Florida team we embarassed last season & I can't wait! #BTFU #KLUbye Have fun w/ the voice Wooly but I had a split personality in my mind here (between the lines dark). Couldn't decide between Elmo or Mickey going dark or like Keanu as Ted and then John Wick (after his dog dies). Trust you to bring it to life Woolpero! It's all luv boys, except with FFB, lol.

Anyone else remember a guy we weren't all pumped about when the name was called? HMMMMMMM, do you remember? It was about 3 years ago........YA, how about that guy!!!??? Huh Hugs? How about that guy? Listen to Staley's interview and tell me your not excited! This offense is going to be brutal on opposing teams to defend. Herbert for MVP! BTFU Klubye

Wuts up you beautiful goofy buttholes? hhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaahhhaahahhahaha I'm doin purrrrdddddy goooodd myself. Bummed to miss y'all on the Saturday 'Special 10's' hang, darn kids & they're friends birthdays. But hey, I drank some beeeeerrrr & watched some of that there basketball madness. How about them Aztecian warriors? Their coach doesn't look Dutch, & hell even if he was it seems a little racist to call him that eh, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaa? So, eh, I was drinking some beer the other day & started thinking about breakfast...I don't know why, it's harder to eat missing teeth, but I love me some them cold cereals! Frosted flakes - they're great, Fruity pebbles, Cookie Crisp, yum!!! What's y'alls favorite cereal? And another thing, what was the first fellar doin when he milked a cow? I mean, I know molesting a cow back then wasn't illegal or anything but golly heck that fellar musta had some beers! FTR O and, errr, K luv u bye Jeff Dunham's - Bubba J

I....uh....I....ah.......... .....F***, Sh**, A**, B***H, C*CK, BALLS!!! Devastated, bewildered face (no words here, just sad Wool Perro face) #KLUbye

Hey bros! Wish I was out there to protect our boy! Reporting here from the SoCiAl MeDiA bOwL...guess them sea p**sy's & their facke a** media hero need to sit all the way the F** K down! Old man after 3 stories of stairs sit down! Ur boy was 10-28 for 146 w/ a fluke 60y td where Vato got tripped. Eeeeeeehhhhhmmmmm, & the other pts were off a fluke flumble. Disrespectfully, STFU & stay on the East Coast w/ that s**t! Here on the West Coast we have the best QB from the 2020 draft...Acho, retire like you promised, or Fehoko & Vili the Warrior r coming for that a**! Back to things that matter, speaking about p**sy's in the sea, there were some wet panties out there watching this game tonight eh? I mean, our boy J-Herb was running around slinging that thing like the Greek God we know he is, even I'm aroused honestly, those luscious locks look even better under the bright primetime lights. Those dimes to Mike Dub & Keenan almost had me full Baker, headbutting folks on the sidelines! Great to see them gents doing their thing! So uh how much drooling and moaning were you subjected to watching with Huggin there Wooly? More seriously, now that my middle name is out in the open, I wonder if y'all can guess wut our 6'6" football slangin, fish catching, golf loving, Phil Rivs channeling, beast of a QB's is? Also, #BoltFam, how bout some respeck for our HC!? Love playing for the guy & we believe in him! See y'all from inside the lines soon I hope, it's time for the playoff run our boy deserves! #KLUbye

So, uh, today was like oh my gawd! Like, is anyone else tired of all the arm chair GM's & coaches? Bruh, if you're so damn, like, smart, like, go do the damn thing! Obviously, you're, like, talents r being wasted in wutever day job u currently have! Ok, ok, I'm done! No more twitter on game days for this B*tch! (Valley girl of course) So, wuts up mofos!? It's been a min! Still been listening to you motherf*ckin Goofy Buttholes, just haven't had the time to give Wooldog the material he f*ckin deserves. Speaking of which, remember to lock your motherf*ckin phone people! I keep notes on my phone for ideas about questions. Yesterdays motherf*ckin game caused some alcohol to be consumed, what a f*ckin start huh? Fast F*ckin forward and I may have gotten some shut eye on the couch, leaving my phone open, with the following motherf*ckin notes: "Goofy Buttholes, Sexy Baby voice, over/under on white hairs in the beard/hair - Mom was talking sh*t". I'll save the Mama Lago story for later... Coach, can you show us what the difference in the run game was this last Sunday? Pretty please? How do they sustain that success? & Kevin, Trey is surely no Pumpkin right now! (sexy baby voice) KKKKKK wuv u bye

Have fun with the voice here Woolly: Boys, boys, boys...season is almost here! Can't wait to shotgun a brewski in Thunder Alley with y'all on 8/11, it's going to be a glorious start to the season, FTR. Just got to watch the new 'All In' & damnit I love this team. Wut Telesco & Staley have put together is just, it's fucking exciting! The personalities and talent on this team are great. Changing gears here, as a guy who's invested countless hours and $$ into coaching, albeit hoop, I can honestly say that there's not anyone else I would want coaching this team right now. I'm 100% bought in on Staley. He's genuine as hell, says the right things constantly, the players love him, but he's all about accountability. I could continue on... So boys, if you could swap Staley & staff for anyone else's in the NFL would you do it, if so why? #KLUbye

Welllllllllllll shit! U beautiful goofy butthole sumsabitches, by golly where are my manners? *sumsa-angels. I know u boys missed me, it's beena while...I mean heck wit Kev playin hookie so damn much now, we got Woolie & Coach agreein on shtuff. I mean, what is dis? Da daggum twilight zone all da sudden? -Does a line of booga shooga (aka cocajina)- Pardon me, needed a quick pick me up der...how bout this friggin offseason from Ninja Tommy & Brand-ON Staley, u get it? Cuz my guy is always ON brand? Anywho, it's gonna be fuc...uh.. flippin awesome to see our Bolts "express" demselves all over da NFL dis damn season, u know what I'm sayin? -do some push ups- MMMMMMM, by golly, this is some good stuff. So, fellers, a hypothetical for ya: Staley, Herbert, Boey, Slayer, Ek, Mackattack, DJ, Mr. Int, Dru the Tranq, all the blockbuster boys, Herbert's Secret Service, coach's HS mate, & company get us to the end, the final game of the 2022 NFL season, da mother truckin 57th Superbowl...but this panel must make some gosh darn decisions and dey must be dagnaninmous (Woolie & Kev need to reconnect) for our belovid Bolts to be da winners: 3 players from da current roster (or Coach Staley) will play (coach) their last game for da Bolts dat fateful twelfth day of Feberary 2023. Da first selection leaves da next season & goes on to a Hall of Fame career for the LV Gayders (I know it's Pride month, muh bad, but FTR). So who's da first sacrifice? (Let Coach & Hug start to answer, if they try to cheat & use the 52/53 guy on da roster, u shut it down! - No, no. boys! Dis hypothetical will hurt the soul! It must be a starter from offense or defense.) Selection 2 stays on the roster for another 5 seasons but never plays another meaningful snap (think our poor compadre Bulaga last season, but for 5 seasons!). Selection 3 is forced out of da game but gets into a broadcasting booth. But der b uh catch...dis person gets infected wit, long pause, WoodheadSlausonFoutsitis. Dat's right, dis former Bolt hero spends every NFL Sunday thereon talkin shiet about our squad. Der be sum tuff decisions der boys & remember u must be dagnani, dat don't feel right, unimagna, u know wut I mean... My sincerest of apologies for da torture der boys! It'sda dog days of sports summer & we need some gosh darn entertainment. K luv u bye!