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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Sep 04, 2023
In Ask Boltfam
Sup Chat bros! I am so stoked to get back home to Thunder Alley! Its been like a hundred years since we've had football. I'll make this quick so we can get back to bolting the fuck up! This Sunday, would you rather: 1. Darius Davis takes the opening kickoff to the house. 2. We defer and J.C. Jackson gets a pick 6 on the first play 3. We drive it right down the field and Herbert runs it in from the 15. Surfer dude voice Thx Wooldog!
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Jul 10, 2023
In Ask Boltfam
Valley girl voice What's up my beautiful bolt fam bitches? Last year about this time I asked you guys what it would take for Trey Pipkins to get a new contract. A year ago, none of us could see a future with Pipkins on the team. What a difference a year makes. He was without a doubt one of the most important signings this off season. So now, same question, different player. What would it take for Kenneth Murry to earn a new contract? K luv u bye! P.S. Fuck Cam Heyward
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Dec 27, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
Sexy German voice Last year we were witnesses to the emergence of Staley's big beautiful balls as he defied convention and went for it on what seemed like every 4th down. Finally, after years of waiting, we were treated to the glorious sight of Staleys big playoff D. The D that can penetrate any offensive line and smother any QB that stands before it. Staley's D is so magnificent that it will strike fear and envy into the entire league! Once Bosa comes back, Staley's D will be fully engorged, ready to strangle the life out of whichever offense is unlucky enough to come across it. This team has filled me with emotions I haven't felt in, what, has it been, four years? It's been so long I am having a hard time recognizing what I'm experiencing. Fear? Joy? Arousal? No, it's PLAYOFFS BITCHES! Oh, I got so excited I nearly forgot to ask a question. While Staley has been waving enormous D all over the field, our offense has been lacking the same vigor and enthusiasm. Many are quick to blame Lombardi as the one and only problem, I believe it is a combination of oline play, Lombardi not wanting to get Justin hurt and the absence of Guyton as our only deep threat. Hopefully once Slater returns our line will play better and that will make the coaching staff more comfortable with Herbert's safety. The one thing remaining is finding a deep threat. Most of the media has been concerned with OBJs landing spot this year, but there is someone else we should at least bring in for a workout. Tyron Johnson. The plus side is he already has chemistry with Herbert and would be a much cheaper option that OBJ. Thoughts? As always, fuck the Raiders and their disgusting couch on which they will be watching the post season. K luv u bye!
Staley's playoff D content media
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Dec 20, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
Toddler voice Dear Santa, I hope I'm not too late to get my wish list to you. I'm pretty sure I'm not on your naughty list. I have been shamelessly positive all year. I have also been very helpful to others. Like when I informed an obnoxious Patriots fan of the final score of the Raiders game even though he didn't have anything nice to say about Sofi stadium. I'm pretty sure those were tears of joy. He must really like Josh McDaniels. I also remembered how Denver fans love to be greeted with their traditional greeting of "Let's Ride!". As you can see, I've been a very good boy this year. Now, about what I would like for Christmas. No, I don't want a B.B. gun or a bike. What I really, really, really want is for Justin Herbert to clinch a playoff spot. Please! I'll make sure my Mom leaves out the good chocolate chip cookies and not Oatmeal ones. Thank you Santa! You're the best! And by the way, if you could ask the Charger Chat guys a question for me: Could they each name a different backup play who has stepped up the most this year? P.S. Tommy from next door is a Raiders fan so you can probably just skip his house. Thanks again Santa K luv u bye
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Nov 07, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
Is it me or are all of our opponents "Chargering" games this year? It seems like all the crazy improbable things that normally happen to us, have been happening to the other team this year. Does the team sacrifice a goat during warm ups? Did part of the trade for Mack include an exorcist? Maybe the teams new Protein fairy is Tinkerbell and she is spiking Herbert's per workout with pixie dust. Whatever it is, who cares! 5-3 bitches! Also, shout-out to substitute Kickman, Mr. Dickman! Fuck the Raiders and Let's Ride!!!! K luv you bye! Vally girl voice
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Oct 03, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
Samuel L. Jackson voice What a difference a muthafuckin week makes! I bet every muthafuckin team in the league is kicking themselves for letting Sayler drop to the 6th muthafuckin round. No sacks and only 4 muthafuckin pressures for a line without Slater, a banged up Lindsey and Pipkins at RT? I'll take that every muthafuckin week! Now, I have some muthafuckin questions for you. Is ASJ our best muthafuckin CB? Is that muthafucka Joshua Kelly our best RB? How does Bandy get some more muthafuckin targets? As for those muthafuckin dirty pirate hookers and their Jack Sparrow looking, mascara wearing QB, YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL! K luv u bye!
#team kelly content media
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Sep 26, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
In an effort to keep this positive, I'll ask a non football question. Kevin, to get your pre game Cali burrito, do you have to make your own, did you find a place that has them or have to give a taco shop a Starbucks style order? Just asking because us SoCal residents are notorious snobs about our burritos. K luv u bye! Stewie Griffin voice
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Aug 07, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
There have been 13 times in NFL history that a QB has thrown for over 5000 yards. If Herbert is the only one to do it next year, Joe Lombardi will have had a hand in half of all 5k yard seasons (2 with Herbert and 5 with Brees). I think that would make him a lock for any available HC job next year. If that happens, which teams offense would you guys want to hire his replacement from? Please pick another team and not hire from within. As always, Family Trust Respect! K luv u bye! Dealers choice on the voice.
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Jul 31, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
With Pipkins going into the last year on his rookie deal, what does he have to do to earn another contract? Congrats to Coach on the baby boy! I hope you're getting some sleep. K luv u bye! William Shatner voice
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Jun 20, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
What do you guys think is more likely: Defense has multiple games allowing 0 points or Offense has multiple games scoring over 50? Happy belated Father's day! K luv u bye! Irish accent
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Mar 21, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
Well, that was the most intense start to Bolts free agency I can remember. Ninja Tommy just got upgraded to SWAT team Tommy. He's kicking down the door and rushing in guns blazing. Did Staley start dropping testosterone into TT's coffee? Or did Staley just straight up steal his phone and start making his own moves? Anyway, with the right side of the oline looking like the one glaring need on the team, do you guys think we shore it up inFA or go oline or bust in the draft? As always, fuck Dan Orlovsky, Cam Heyward and Kyle Brant. K luv u bye! British accent
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Pink Unicorn
Boltfam
Boltfam
Mar 14, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
What's up CC crew? I LOVE free agency!It's even better when we have $$$ to spend. Two questions for you guys. 1. Do you think we should go all in on JC Jackson or pick up Ward and buy low on a guy like Kyle Fuller? 2. Are we all getting Mack jerseys to wear to the Raiders game? P.S. Fuck Dan Orlovsky K luv u bye! Dealers choice on the voice
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Pink Unicorn

Boltfam
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