Forum Posts

Hum-Bolt County Fan
Nov 16, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
So, i was thinking about whether it was time to start rooting FOR the raiders to win games, to lower their draft position, but then I remembered that it literally doesn’t matter where they draft, in the first round they’re just going to reach for a a day 2 talent anyway. Also, in the spirit of trying to stay positive on our season, do you guys realize, amidst the ugliness that is our offense and defense this year, that our special teams are killing it? We’ve made 16 straight field goals, with 3 different kickers, we’ve allowed just 36 total yards on punt returns, which is 2nd in the league, and we’re 5th in kickoff return yardage allowed. Not to mention a forced muffed punt turnover and a blocked kick. And i just read that keenan and Mike W are practicing this week. Idk what we’re going to do about right tackle and the D-line, but if we could get those guys back we might have a shot against the Kweefs this week. As always, Fuck The Raiders K, luv u bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Nov 06, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Christopher Walken voice) Wow! My sphincter can officially unclench! That 4th quarter was bananas. After the last 4 wins this season I’d like to officially nominate a new definition of the verb to “Charger“ (previously meaning to lose a game in some kind of batshit crazy way, like fumbling a kneel-down or head-butting someone after a great defensive stop in the playoffs). From now on “Chargering” means to FAKE a horrible game-losing play, only to WIN anyway, thus mind-fucking an entire fanbase while simultaneously checking the charge status of defibrillators all across the Southland! Am I right? Seriously guys, you know that in any other year it would either be Younghoe Koo missing field goals for us or NOT missing them against us, but not today! A big Shout-out to Herbo and Palmer for stepping up with the game on the line! Great goddamn win!! And, as today’s other events also demonstrated, God really does take every opportunity to Fuck The Raiders!! k luv u bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Oct 18, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Christopher Walken voice) Bolt Fam… LET’S RIDE!! I’m super pumped to be winning these close games, but for the third time in 3 weeks we’ve got people whining about the ugliness of a win. A FUCKING WIN!! And it was pretty much our special teams for once that got us that win, and I can’t remember the last time i was able to say that! Why are there so many haters and whiners out there? How do you not appreciate Ja’sir Taylor’s awareness to shove a guy INTO the punt returner to force that muffed punt?! And Hopkins making 4 field goals with his leg basically hanging by half a ligament and some gristle— my eyes actually teared up! And those booming punts by JK Scott to get us out of the shadow of our end zone in overtime — how huge was that?! And hey, so maybe the passing game didn’t get any TD’s or long passes, but we drew a ton of PI calls and we were able to move the ball — against a great defense — enough to win the game. And in the end that’s what matters… WE WON!! Crack a beer people, we’re 4-2 and in FIRST PLACE!!! And even better — the Raiders are LAST!! Those goddamn pirate hookers can’t pay their pimp if they keep fucking themselves!! K, luv you, bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Oct 10, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Matthew McConaughey voice) Alright alright alright, it sure is nice to get a W. It’s a lot more fun to win a game you should lose than lose a game you should win, man. There’s a lot of people talkin’ a lot of shit about Coach Staley right now, but I’ll tell you what, it’d be a lot cooler if we all had some of whatever he was smokin’ on that 4th down call, man! Maybe that’s not what anybody else would do in that situation, but you just gotta let Staley be Staley, kick back, and enjoy the ride. Let me tell you this, the older you get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N. Fuck the Raiders, man. I love those redheads!
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Oct 02, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Darth Vader voice) If the quarters of that Texans game were all named after Star Wars movies they would be: The Rise of Salyer, The Return of the Mack, The Bandy Awakens, and The Ekeler Strikes Back. Even Sith Lord Jerry Tillery looked good! Michael Bandy seemed to provide a Keenan-esque dimension to our passing game, while Linsley’s renewed presence at center and Salyer looking like an OROY candidate at left tackle made the O-line‘s performance more than serviceable. That is pretty far removed from the mess it seemed to be in just a few days ago. Perhaps my lack of faith is disturbing, but i am wondering if you all think our team depth is starting to live up to our preseason expectations, or am I just overreacting to a win against a shitty Texans team that we almost managed to blow again in the 2nd half? Fuck those pirate hookers with a lightsaber in the dark side, and their bitch-ass quarterback too K luv you, bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Sep 20, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Rocky Balboa voice) hey, yo, how y’all doin’ Bolt Fam? so like, that O-line didn’t look so hot in the second half of that Kweefs game the other day, y’know? like, even Feiler looked like he was chasin’, like, one o’ them chickens around or somethin’ tryin’ to block Chris Jones, y’know what i’m sayin’? So like, i was wonderin’ what you all thought about, like, maybe gettin’ that Jamaree Salyer kid some reps at center if Linsley can’t play this week? CUT ME MICK!! Oh hey, yo I’m sorry, I’m gettin’ maybe a little punchy in my old age or somethin’. So like, where was i? Oh, yeah, y’know, i don’t wanna take up too much of your time or anything but if i could just say one more thing I’d appreciate it… so like, yo, fuck them raiders k luv u bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Sep 11, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Ahnold voice) Holy mother of god, how fucking AWESOME was that?! I need a super intelligent computer brain from the future to calculate how many sacks and interceptions and forced fumbles we got today!! Mack and Bosa were absolute MACHINES!! we need to start a Gofundme to buy Derek Carr some new mascara after all the crying our defense made him do!! And we did all that WITHOUT J.C. Jackson, just imagine how good this defense is going to be when THAT DUDE comes back! OMG I AM SO DAMN BOLTED UP I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE KWEEFS GAME ON THURSDAY!!! i would say FUCK THE RAIDERS… BUT WE LITERALLY JUST DID!!!!!! K LUV U BYE!!!!
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Sep 02, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Sean Connery voice if it‘s in your bag, or Pacino) watching Pipkins play this preseason may not have been pretty, but i can see definite improvement. at least the quarter back wasn’t getting pounded into the turf, and that’s all we should hope for from him. I know it was a small sample size of snaps but my question is this: if Pipkins can just be an NFL average starting player this year, and if Zion plays as expected, how would you rank our offensive line against the other elite O-lines in the league? Would we be #1? fuck those pirate hookers on their bedbug-infested hourly-rate hotel room mattress without the courtesy of a reach-around k luv you bye
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Hum-Bolt County Fan
Aug 04, 2022
In Ask Boltfam
(Bobcat goldthwaite voice, if possible) Holy shit did you guys see the video of those goddamn pirate hookers all trying to squeeze into an Uber?! What was that thing, a Soviet-era Yugo?! What was the problem with the app, do you think the electricity is still turned off at their offices and Hunter Renfrow couldn’t charge his phone?! Do you think he couldn’t afford an Uber Black because the accountant is paying their players in wampum beads?!! I WANT ANSWERS!!! FTR OVER A DIRTY TOILET SEAT!!! K LUV YA BYE!!!!
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Hum-Bolt County Fan

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