Welllllllllllll shit! U beautiful goofy butthole sumsabitches, by golly where are my manners? *sumsa-angels. I know u boys missed me, it's beena while...I mean heck wit Kev playin hookie so damn much now, we got Woolie & Coach agreein on shtuff. I mean, what is dis? Da daggum twilight zone all da sudden?
-Does a line of booga shooga (aka cocajina)-
Pardon me, needed a quick pick me up der...how bout this friggin offseason from Ninja Tommy & Brand-ON Staley, u get it? Cuz my guy is always ON brand? Anywho, it's gonna be fuc...uh.. flippin awesome to see our Bolts "express" demselves all over da NFL dis damn season, u know what I'm sayin?
-do some push ups-
MMMMMMM, by golly, this is some good stuff. So, fellers, a hypothetical for ya: Staley, Herbert, Boey, Slayer, Ek, Mackattack, DJ, Mr. Int, Dru the Tranq, all the blockbuster boys, Herbert's Secret Service, coach's HS mate, & company get us to the end, the final game of the 2022 NFL season, da mother truckin 57th Superbowl...but this panel must make some gosh darn decisions and dey must be dagnaninmous (Woolie & Kev need to reconnect) for our belovid Bolts to be da winners:
3 players from da current roster (or Coach Staley) will play (coach) their last game for da Bolts dat fateful twelfth day of Feberary 2023.
Da first selection leaves da next season & goes on to a Hall of Fame career for the LV Gayders (I know it's Pride month, muh bad, but FTR). So who's da first sacrifice? (Let Coach & Hug start to answer, if they try to cheat & use the 52/53 guy on da roster, u shut it down! - No, no. boys! Dis hypothetical will hurt the soul! It must be a starter from offense or defense.)
Selection 2 stays on the roster for another 5 seasons but never plays another meaningful snap (think our poor compadre Bulaga last season, but for 5 seasons!).
Selection 3 is forced out of da game but gets into a broadcasting booth. But der b uh catch...dis person gets infected wit, long pause, WoodheadSlausonFoutsitis. Dat's right, dis former Bolt hero spends every NFL Sunday thereon talkin shiet about our squad.
Der be sum tuff decisions der boys & remember u must be dagnani, dat don't feel right, unimagna, u know wut I mean...
My sincerest of apologies for da torture der boys! It'sda dog days of sports summer & we need some gosh darn entertainment.