A hand selected sports report from the multiverse for week 2 vs Raiders
(Howard Cosell)
MONDAY NIGHT MELTDOWN: CHARGERS ELECTROCUTE RAIDERS IN FOUR-QUARTER FRENZY
First Quarter: Bolts Set the Tone
Justin Herbert came out dealing like a Vegas card shark, orchestrating a flawless opening drive capped by a 26-yard touchdown to Ladd McConkey, who left cornerback Eric Stokes spinning like a roulette wheel. Najee Harris followed up with a bruising 12-yard score, plowing through Devin White and half the Raiders’ front seven. Geno Smith’s first drive ended with a sack from Khalil Mack and a punt that traveled farther than most of his passes.
Score after Q1: Chargers 14, Raiders 0
Second Quarter: Herbert Goes Surgical
The Chargers kept the pressure on, with Herbert threading a needle to Quentin Johnston for a 17-yard touchdown. The Raiders managed a field goal after a sluggish 13-play drive, but their momentum evaporated when Tuli Tuipulotu strip-sacked Geno Smith and Tarheeb Still recovered. Herbert capitalized with a quick strike to KeAndre Lambert-Smith, who slipped past a confused Jeremy Chinn for six. Raiders defenders looked like they were auditioning for a slow-motion documentary.
Halftime: Chargers 28, Raiders 3
Third Quarter: Raiders Blink, Chargers Burn
Brock Bowers gave the Raiders a brief spark with a 22-yard touchdown grab, showing off his elite hands and footwork. But the Chargers responded instantly. Herbert hit McConkey again on a wheel route, and the rookie turned on the jets for a 49-yard score. The Raiders’ next drive stalled after Jakobi Meyers dropped a wide-open third-down pass, drawing groans from a crowd that had already started checking flight times.
End of Q3: Chargers 35, Raiders 10
Fourth Quarter: Bolts Close the Book
Najee Harris broke loose for a 44-yard rumble, stiff-arming defenders like they owed him rent. Herbert, still in rhythm, tossed his fourth touchdown of the night to Tyler Conklin on a tight end leak that left the Raiders’ linebackers frozen in place. The Raiders added a cosmetic touchdown via Ashton Jeanty in garbage time, but even that felt like a participation trophy.
Final Score: Chargers 42, Raiders 17
Key Player Stats
Chargers:
Justin Herbert: 29/36, 354 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs
Najee Harris: 18 carries, 112 yards, 2 TDs
Ladd McConkey: 7 catches, 138 yards, 2 TDs
Quentin Johnston: 5 catches, 61 yards, 1 TD
KeAndre Lambert-Smith: 4 catches, 48 yards, 1 TD
Khalil Mack: 2 sacks
Tuli Tuipulotu: 1 sack, 1 forced fumble
Tarheeb Still: 1 INT, 1 fumble recovery
